my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math

a morning ritual, when there is time for it.  i managed to make time this morning & still arrive at work when i'm supposed to, but then i remembered spilling the contents of my messenger bag on the floor of my bedroom last night...  (someone wasn't very careful when they scooped everything back in at 8:15am) i did manage to grab my wallet, but my swipe card was missing.  sigh.  there i am, 8:30 in the god damn morning, outside the library, unable to get in.

so much for being on time for a change.  i am even dressed well in this sweet sweater that i scored at H&M, but no amount of nice clothing is going to make me a morning person.  at least it wasn't raining.
i am flustered today - i am feeling tired & cranky & a little bit sad (i might blame it on PMS, but you may not.)  i thought my sister & jo & daveeed & his girlfriend were going to Shelter Island this weekend, but they went last weekend.  man.  i wasn't doing much of anything last weekend, i could've gone!  i didn't realize how much i wanted to go until now, shelter island is a place of mixed emotions.  it is a place i need to return to, i haven't been back since we packed up the house after my freshman year of college.  i was supposed to go there this summer with the ex, we had planned to go away together (but that was before i found out about the cheating & that they were living together)

map of Long Island circa 1889
uh, anyway, back to reminiscing about Shelter Island!  i might've mentioned it before because spring in Rhode Island always reminds me of it.  we had a house out there all through my childhood, we'd spend the weekends there in the spring & fall, rent it out during the summer.  it's a wonderful place of crickets, bike rides, swimming, exploring, playing kick-it, making puzzles, buying flipflops & waterguns at the dollar store, walking around the Heights & the bridal path, ferry rides, breakfast at the Chequit...  many of my memories are smells: honesuckle all around the property edge, a lilac bush the size of a tree, the andromeda bush swarming with bees, a damp basement with a pingpong table, attic of old toys & dead wasps, and my dad's Hudson in the musty garage...

i hope to someday have someone special of my own to take a trip to Shelter Island with.  someone mature & emotionally capable of planning a little weekend away so i could share my memories with them.  it's not the exactly same thing, but, hey, i bet Art would go with me!